One hundred and four point one. That’s what the electronic thermometer reads. The first thought through my head is, am I going to die? Unless heaven is an endless coffee shop hop with daily blog entries then I’m still here. I’m still alive which will be the theme of this article.

The human body is an interesting machine. On any given day I’m in control of my fate. I see a door I open it. Enter a foreign body or infection and suddenly it’s set into amber alert. I shiver and shake which is my bodies way of elevating it’s temperature. I’m a bedridden oven. You can put a hot pocket on my forehead and with consideration to the altitude it’ll be ready in about two minutes. I try to cook the infection out. A curious side effect of all of this are the hallucinations.

As I lay in bed I’m the ruler of the world. I have two established missions as self proclaimed king of everything. First, reorganize the United States. It’s my job to tweak borders here and there to make a more efficient country. Second, don’t throw up or if I do ensure that it makes it into the bucket by my bed.

From my lofty peak I can see the states below. I’m directing the chorus with my hands. Who knew that shifting around entire land masses could be so easy? All is going well until I realize that I’m doing it all wrong. I should really be making lateral strip states as opposed to longitudinal forms. This is all very dubious - I realize this now. Longitudinal strips you say?… PREPOSTEROUS!

Half way through the night I convinced myself that I had mad cow disease. Earlier that evening I was feeling jaunty enough to go out and had decided that what I wanted most of all was a good hamburger. So I went to this restaurant that makes a real beef burger. That must have given me mad cow which would explain the off color thoughts I was having. Note to self do not eat beef if afflicted with disease.

The fever is beginning to pass. I’m back to a reasonable ninety-nine point three. The first thought through my head is, oh my god I’m still alive. I’m not sure if it’s the fever talking or the book Fight Club which I just finished - yes it’s a major motion picture now. Passing through the storm really puts a new perspective on life. The contrast between diseased and healthy makes you realize how precious everything is. Fevers have been added to my list of life altering situations.

On a last note the best album to listen to after you’ve beaten back a fever is Girl Talk: Feed the Animals. It’s a good album in general. Listen to it before you talk to a girl and I guarantee success.

Namaste.