Everything in life is about dating. I don’t mean that in the existential, “everything is everything” sort of way. I mean literally you can apply the learnings of courtship to anything you do. Allow me to reorient your thinking on design. Design is like dancing with a stranger.

Your eyes meet from across the room. You approach from a slight angle as not to startle or seem too aggressive. You say some line to break the ice and then you fluff for a few moments. When the time is right you take your new friend firmly by the hand and lead them to the dance floor. Hopefully all of those salsa classes paid off and your follow through is sound.

Each of the actions illustrated in the scenario above are valid ways of thinking about design. The approach is the most critical. Come off seeming too smarmy or desperate and the game is off. In commercial design we’re invariably trying to sell our target something - this leads our customers to be skeptical. Users turn off when they see a commercial. This isn’t too far from the skepticism in a bar scenario as women are approached numerous times throughout the night. You’re just another guy walking up, she thinks, “oh no here we go again”. The first objective is to disarm the skepticism. Ask a friendly harmless question to drop the guard.

In products you may see this in the form of cute relatable packaging. An example, Method Soap, uses a modern design to differentiate itself from the competition. It seems to say, “I’m not like the other soaps who are made by corporate money mongers, I’m made for you… I love you.” Before a word is even uttered or the back label read the package is telling you what you want to hear.

The packaging and the initial approach is meant to get you to want more. You don’t walk into a bar, see a lovely lady, then walk up and start humping her leg. Design and dating is about baby steps. Every move is meant to flow into the next. So be it if it takes you twenty moves to reach your ultimate goal. You break the ice, you prove that you’re not like the other guys, you show your value, you close the deal. Take it too fast and the game is over. Conversely, take it too slowly and the game is over as well.

I’ve observed that my favorite designs ease me into the experience. When you are in love there’s all of the time in the world to get to know one another. When you’re too eager you want to unload everything all upfront and then the mystery is gone. Figure out what you are trying to accomplish with your design then decide the best form of approach. Long term relationships begin with a meaningful courtship. Love your customers and in turn they will love you.

It is by no coincidence that celebrities like Tom Cruise are well versed in social formalities (jumping on a couch and crack-pot scientology excluded). Anyone who has met Tom Cruise will tell you that he has an effortless way of interacting. Knowing how to connect with others in a social setting is absolutely critical in good design. Learn to approach people cold and you can approach anyone regardless of whether it is through your physical manifestation or a product that you have designed.